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I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school
I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
Our puppy toilet trained on it
Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked
I put it in a safe, but lost the combination
I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away
Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing
I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine
I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload
My little sister ate it
SCHOOL JOKES
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here !
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age ?
Pupil: The sausage !
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
Teacher: You new here aren't you, what's your name ?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith
Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.
Teacher: Why is that ?
Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name !
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses ?
Because his class was so bright !
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher ?
He couldn't control his pupils !
Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to ?
Pupil: Nobody I know !
I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that ?
I didn't take algebra !
Teacher: Are you good at math ?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math !
Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please ?
Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy !
Teacher: Did you parents help you with these homework problems ?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself !
Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten !
Teacher: What's 2 and 2
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good
Pupil: Good ? that's perfect !
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4 ?
Pupil: That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one !
Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4 ?
Class: At once !
If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left ?
None, they were all copycats
VARIOUS JOKES
1. What do you get if you cross an owl with a skunk?
2. What do you get if you mix a bear with a cow?
3. What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?
4. Why did the Rhinocerus cross the road?
5. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
6. Why did the rooster cross the road?
7. Why did the chicken cross the road?
8. Why did the chicken cross the road?
9. Why did the turtle cross the road?
10. What do you call a man with a sea gull on his head?
11. How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
12. How do you know if theres an elephant under your bed?
13. Why do cows have bells?
14. Where did the fat whale go?
15. Why Did the Rooster refuse to fight ?
16. What pie can fly ?
17. What goes up the river at 100 miles per hour ?
18. Why do seagulls fly by the sea?
19. What do you call a cat who swallowed a duck?
20. Where does an Eskimo pig live?
A bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot !!!!!!!!
Winnie the Moo !!!!!
A walkie talkie !
Because it was the chickens day off !!
It was stuck to the leg of a chicken !!!
To prove he wasn't chicken !!
To show the raccoon it could be done !!
To get to the other side !!!!
To get to the Shell Station!!!!!!
Cliff !!!
You bump your nose on the ceiling !!!!!!
Because you need a ladder to get in !!!
Because their horns don't work !!!!!!!!!!
To the 'whale weigh' station !!! (Railway station!)
Because he was Chicken...!!!!
A Magpie!!
A Motor Pike !!!!
Because if they flew by the bay they'd be baygulls (bagels) !
A duck-filled fatty puss !!!
In a Pigloo !!